Money problems

We have saved no money thus far.

It's just getting too out of hand! I'm getting money for living off base while Noel is in tech school and they give more than enough, but nothing is getting saved! My plan is to transfer the BHA (basic housing allowance) that the military is giving me (but is put into Noel's paycheck) and just pay off my own credit card instead of Noel handling the money cuz we have nothing saved! Everything has been used and it's so fucking retarded! I hardly go out and when I do...I buy food or go to the movies! I am spending less than $300 a month! If Noel just gave me the money I'm supposed to get for housing allowance, I would've saved up thousands by now! Finances are really stressing me out!

Noel better give me the damn money because he is just spending money like there's no tomorrow.

repercussion

I'm sorry.

I know I can get crazy.
I don't know how I can help myself.

I feel like one day my emotions will be the end of me.

no matter how much I love you...
these emotions are just too intense.

ineedhelp. itshardtodealonmyown.

rant rant rant

I'm really sick of always being the person there. Just waiting. Waiting for you to give me some time from you day. It's like he never has to wait for me to go online. He doesn't have to wait for me to call. What people don't know is I don't ever bug Noel to go online to chat or bug him to call me. I try to wait patiently for him. I don't want to be that nagging wife. He never has to wait for me, EVER. If he wants to chat or talk...I am there for him. We chat/talk when he WANTS to, not when I want to. I try to be supportive of his decisions and I let him do whatever he wants. Yes, spend almost $700 on your Halloween costume. Please, I want you to be happy. Yes, I will support you in buying your dream project car. We will need to take a loan out for it, but if it makes you happy...please do it. I go through things that most wives would be so against! Yet, I put up with it. I try to be understanding & I try to be patient....qualities that are not 2nd nature to me.

Look. The only thing that makes me happy is having the time spent with you the only way we can...by chatting or talking. It's my favorite part of my day. If you are having a bad day, I want you to confine in me. It's something a husband should do..confine in his wife. I want to be a GOOD wife to you. I want to just be there for you.... not because I should, but because I LOVE YOU. Although, I do wish the same from you because you ARE my husband. You say I keep asking you for MORE MORE MORE. NO! I only ask that you chat/talk to me everyday. In fact, after you told me how husbands over there don't call/chat to their wives everyday,you've been doing it less and less.

I have my bad days and I want you to be there for me,. I want to be able to just call you and say "mannn my day sucked this and that happened!" But it's hard for that when there is a 5 hour time difference between Hawaii and Texas. I try to deal things on my own, but sometimes I just need you to be there to just care. It was like that today and I was just sad/mad/frustrated/hurt when you decided to not chat to me when I texted you earlier about what a crap day I was having.

I think the 'old' Amanda would be calling and/or texting up the ying yang for him to call/chat to me. I hope he realizes that even if I am not working, I am still NOT bothering him like the 'old' Amanda would. I am trying to use all my patience and self control to just leave him alone and have him chat/talk to me when he wants. I don't want to force him because he will only think of chatting/talking to his wife as a CHORE.

I am not a chore.
Nor do I want to be a bother...
But I want to be loved and thought of.

distance and motivation

Hi World.

Being apart from Noel isn't too bad right now. Last week I was a fricking wreck! I had to get used to (all over again) not being able to see Noel. Since he is in tech school, I get to chat to him online everyday! In December he will be able to visit for Christmas and I really can't wait! Other than missing my husband I've been watching the kids, but I've doing a horrible job because I'm tired of watching them! Other than that, I've been TRYING to gain weight. I know I've always been trying to gain weight and I was never successful at it because I just have no motivation, but hopefully this time around I'll gain something and keep it on. *crosses fingers*

I've been reading online what types of foods I should be eating. I try to eat a balanced meal, but a lot of the times I don't. I think I should buy some Ensure but hell those things are so damn expensive and I really don't want to use more money than I need to. I also work out my thighs/butt/abs one day and the next day I work out my arms. I just need to keep snacking all day long.

Being a wife is tough, but being a military wife is even harder

Being away from Noel is getting tough. I did see him for several days when I went to Texas to visit him for his BMT (basic military training) graduation and now I have to get used to not seeing him everyday and not speaking to him as often as I'd like. I know I need to stay positive, keep busy, and be independent, but it's easier said than done. Being around the kids so often has made my tempter worse than was before because I just yell at them without thinking much about it. I need to work on my anger management and just learn to be a more independent person. It's just such a blow to my self confidence when there's just so much WRONG with me. It doesn't make things any easier. I want to be there for Noel and I'll do whatever I can to do it.

Enduring the void of no You

It's 12am. I can't sleep. My room is so cluttered from me trying to find ALL the pieces of Rock Band because my sis and her family wanted to borrow it. I turned my closet upside down and I haven't put whatever came out from the closet back in. Hopefully I'm feeling more up to it after I wake in the morning.

I got my 2nd call from Noel this morning.


I was sleepin', heard my phone ringing, checked the number...it was an unknown (210) caller.


I answered it really quick. I just woke up from my sleep, it was hard for me to recall everything I wanted to tell him. 12 minutes went by fast, but just happy to hear his voice. I teared up a bit during our conversation and he told me that I'm going to make him lose his bearings. So I just held it through out the rest of t conversation. I miss him, but I'm enduring the wait. 38 more days...


To say "I love you" is an understatement.

I'm Back!

Last time I posted was when me and Noel arrived in Washington at the end of May! I know I said I was going on vacation, but I didn't think I'd take this long to get off my lazy bum to update this...not that anyone reads my blog =p

Lemme update on what has happened since:

Washington Trip- Noel and I did so much crap in WA! We went 3 week after getting married, but believe me it was not a honeymoon! We went back in forth sleeping at Noel's sister''s house in Algona (which is 45 minute drive from Seattle) and Marc and Aaron's apartment in Seattle. Off the top of my head we went go kart racing (indoor and outdoor), kayaking on Union Lake, Mt. Rainier and shot guns and shotguns, Mt. Rainier and played in the snow, visited Steve Wiebe at his house (cuz Noel is a stalker), we visited where Noel used to live (2 hour drive one way from Seattle), visited the Space Needle, went to a bar and saw Marc get really drunk, went to my sister's graduation, tried dim sum, tried WA shitty chinese food (haha), me and Noel got lost twice trying to get to different places, countless bathrooms cuz me or Aaron had to poop/pee.

Noel loved it so much in WA that he wanted to stay another week! A month was long enough for me and I missed my family, friends, and the weather back home...not to mention we ain't got alot of money! On our way back to Hawaii from WA, we had to stop at California. I have to say "WTF" to their pollution! When we landed, I thought they had fog, but Noel informed me that it's their pollution. LAX airport was a bitch! The Northwest check in moved to a different place in the airport. So we ran after a shuttle to get to the area. It was jam pack crowded, but luckily when we got on the plane, no one was sitting with me and Noel :) So Noel got to lay down a bit and sleep.

Back on the Aina- once we got back, we pretty much just chilled at home. I put my car up for sale on craigslist, but no one was calling! BOO! I got my important documents changed to my new name. Noel sold the fixed xbox360s he acquired. Finally someone called for my car and we were able to sell it! After I sold it, 2 people called to see if the car was sold. ARGH! You could've called me 2 weeks ago! Then for the last friday before he left for boot camp, he had to go to Hilo for his niece's baptizmal. He came back the next day in the evening. We pretty much hung out with friends. Times a'tickin and our lives will never be the same.

The present- So now Noel is in bootcamp and will be graduating in 2 months if he doesn't get injured. I'm counting down until that day! Also trying to save money, so I don't think I'll be going out much. Also I'm in control of making sure the bills get paid on time. No problemo! And I'm downloading Naruto and Bleach chapter for Noel so he can read them when he graduates. I don't think he'll be having internet for a while, so something to pass the time..

WA Trip, Day 1

This is me and Noel at the Seattle Tacoma Airport waiting for his sister and her husband to pick us up. We arrived close to 6 AM. The temperature was 59 degrees and surprisingly it didn't feel too cold.

This is me and Noel walking in down town Seattle. I believe we were on Yesler St. heading towards some bldg where Mike (Noel's brother in law) could register a car that we will be borrowing from them. I tried to get all the high buildings in the background, but my arm isn't long enough to show all of the background. As you can see, it was a really sunny day in Washington. The temperature was around 80 degrees. Silly me wore a long sleeve shirt because I wasn't too sure about WA weather. Tomorrow I will definitely wear something more cool.

The trees in Washington is waaaaaaaaayyyyy different from the trees in Hawaii. This is a picture of the highway driving away from Seattle.

Here's a pic of Mt. Rainier. All the pics I took of it sucked and I'm really sad there's electric lines ruining the pic! But the mountain is really beautiful. Topped with snow caps, mountains in O'ahu never have that.

Don't drink and drive.

In the news, there was a car crash on the Big Island where a Toyota truck crashed into a lightpole (due to drunk driving), and then it hit a Toyota sedan, which killed a baby and injured the mom. My sister's co-worker is relatives with the people who were in the Toyota sedan and her coworker told her that the dad of the baby viewed the baby's body, and the baby's eyes were open and she was smiling. After my sister told me this, I couldn't get it out of my head! It's such a sad story!! I just look at my baby niece and I hope and pray nothing like that EVER happens to her! SO PLEASE PEOPLE DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!

I am Mrs. P.

05.08.09

Hawaii is hot, but vog makes it hotter

It's been a really long time since I updated my blog! So sorry but I've been busy with just life in general. As for my thyroid, doctor office called me and said I have two 2mm bumps on it, but it's ok (for now) and that I should get checked again in a year.

My maid of honor's flowers will be made by some lady that works with my mom, so one less thing to worry about! My mom said the lady is a perfectionist, so her flowers may look better than my own..haha! If it does, it's fine because I'm not a bridezilla! I picked up my wedding dress today and its hanging in my room. It's so pretty! I really hope no one spills anything on it because it's made of silk and once it's stained, you can't get it out =/

Noel bought me Fable 2 for the Xbox360 and I finished playing it already. It took me a couple of days and I swear to God it was the easiest and shortest RPG I've ever played!! I don't know why people think it's such a good game? It wasn't that great compared to Final Fantasy 12, which was an awesome game!

That's about it with my life so far. I have a lot of things to do before I get married this Friday!

witnessed a wedding

Two weeks from now I'll be getting married! I paid off the rest of the remaining balance for the wedding ceremony today. Tomorrow I have my "final" fitting for my wedding dress and I hope the dress fits me perfectly! I finally got to see how getting married by judge is because Noel's nephew got married today by a judge. I always imagined that you go to court room and get married, but it was held in a regular room. Mikko (Noel's nephew) got married to Catherine, his girlfriend of two years, and it almost made me cry when she was crying while saying her vows. I was just thinking, "this is going to be me in two weeks!" I honestly don't think I'll manage to say my vows because I'm too busy sobbing. I really hope my makeup will hold!

My doctor hasn't called me about the results for my thyroid ultra sound. I'll just assume there's nothing wrong with it because they usually only call if there's something wrong, right?

updates

Last week Thursday I got my ultra sound done on my thyroid. All I had to do was lay down and the ultra sound technician took quite a bit of pictures with my head forward, then facing to the left, and then facing the right. She told me they should send out the pictures to my doctor by Monday, but I didn't get any calls from my doctor yet. Hope to hear from him soon with good news.

weird dream

Everything is great with Noel :) The past couple of days I've been hanging out with him and his high school buddies because Robert, Noel's friend that is stationed in Florida had a 2.5 week vacation in Hawaii. A lot of the times they hung out, I wasn't with them, but it was nice to see him the couple of times I did. Just sad he won't be able to be here for the wedding!

Last night I had the weirdest dream about my thyroid. I think I had the dream because I'll be having an ultra sound done on my thyroid on thursday morning. In the dream I I had surgery and the doctor took out parts of my thyroid that had a large black spot. So I'm guessing it was cancer? But anyway, while my neck was still cut open, I asked the doctor if my thyroid is the reason why I'm so skinny (since it affects people's metabolism) and he said "no." Then I got sad because I was really hoping it was and now that it was "fixed," I would be able to gain weight. Haha. Then I was swallowing and seeing how my throat felt. Eventually my tongue fell out of my mouth and I was scared I was going to choke on whatever else that's in my mouth. The doctor left and my mom was left to sew the 'good' parts of my thyroid back in my mouth. I remember holding my tongue in my hand and when I would use the muscle to move my tongue in my mouth, my tongue would move in my hand. My mom sewed my thyroid back in my mouth and my tongue too. It was such a weird fricking dream! Of course there are parts I'm leaving out because dreams are just confusing, but I just typed whatever I remembered the most and made more sense.

Back to reality, my dad bought a used 2008 Toyota Tundra yesterday. That damn truck is fricking huge and a damn gas guzzler! I don't know what it is with my family and having big cars, but they always buy huge trucks/SUVs that eats up a lot of gas. My parents were saying I should sell my Mini Cooper and just use my dad's old truck (2000 Nissan Frontier) because it's already paid off. That seems like a good idea and all, but I highly doubt someone would want to buy my car! So I need to clean it up today just incase people want to take a look at it.